I Dare You (Intern Insights)
Growing up I prayed before meals. You know, the same prayer every time, probably not even thinking about the memorized, well-rehearsed words. Don’t pretend you haven’t been there; every Christian kid has their “go-to” prayer. With mealtimes the exception, I can’t really recall the act of praying ever playing a huge role in my personal life besides when I was at church or school. As I hit adoselcense my family moved, and I began attending public school for the first time in my life. It was quite the shock to my system (I rode a bus and everything). But it was during that transition I began to realize that it was up to me to stay strong in my faith. I no longer had Christian teachers who led us in prayer or Bible drills to help me learn scripture and grow spiritually. Overnight I was thrown in to a drastically new environment where my faith all of the sudden became much more my own. And it was my choice which way I chose to run with that newfound freedom.
I’m not going to sit here and say that I always ran the right direction, eyes never leaving my Heavenly Father. I’m not going to tell you that I always came to Him in prayer amidst dealing with life’s many ups and downs. I wish that was the case, but sadly I would be lying. I loved the Lord and always knew that He deserved total control of my life. Yet on various occasions I blatantly turned my cheek to God, denying His love and cutting off all communication. Sometimes this was due to my anger over a certain situation. Or perhaps I was mad that I hadn’t seen changes in the life of someone I’d prayed for. Sometimes I just felt guilty coming to Him because I was so caught up in my own sin and shame.
Because of these trying experiences, learning the importance of prayer was somewhat of an uphill battle for me. To this day I still sometimes find it to be one of the most difficult things to do despite the freedom it brings and my knowledge of its total necessity in my life. Satan convinces us that we aren’t good enough. He makes us question why God would ever want to talk to lowly sinners like us. He whispers in our ear that we are not worthy of being in the Lord’s presence. I’ve experienced and heard these lies firsthand, and I understand how challenging it can be to listen to God’s gentle voice amidst their overpowering noise. Unfortunately, doubts and uncertainties such as these will be around for the duration of our time here on this earth. From little kid fears about house fires, to big kid fears about tests and homework, to adult fears about marriage and ending up a lonely cat lady (I can’t be the only one who has thought this), these anxieties don’t and won’t stop. So how do we deal with them? The answer: take them to the Lord in prayer.
Despite my times of doubt and the moments I’ve turned my face from God’s love, I have always returned to the reassuring truth that prayer is my lifeline. I am constantly a work in progress and still need to be reminded of this fact from time to time. But God has taught me that there is no satisfying life beyond a life lived with Him and for His glory. For me, prayer is my sustenance. It brings comfort when nothing else can. It is my assurance that no matter what this world may throw at me, God is still there. I could run a million steps away from Him, and if I turned around… He would still be waiting patiently behind me, never having left my side.
I may not understand all of God’s plans or why he answers certain prayers the way He does. But He created this whole world. He literally spoke the universe in to existence, so what makes me think I will be able to comprehend all of His perfect ways? It’s a ridiculous idea to even entertain. But I do believe in His sovereignty. And when He doesn’t respond to my prayers how I want or expect Him to, I trust that He must have something even better planned.
We don’t see the whole picture, but God does. We may not always see the product of our prayers, but God is changing lives because of them. We may not always feel like we are “good enough” to come to Him, but God accepts us as we are and loves us anyways. So run in to His open arms. Talk to Him, let his love envelop you and wipe away your fears. Exchange your worries for His perfect peace, and tell me it is not the most fulfilling and worthwhile experience that you have ever had. I dare you.
Be informed and inspired by reading Morgan's full Intern Insights series.